Obsessed?

So maybe I'm having too much fun figuring out all the information statcounter can give me, but I just saw that yesterday someone google searched a few specific words about a party I threw during the last Priesthood session of General Conference.  Guess what was the first thing to come up?  My post about my favorite things party.

Is someone out there having the very same party this weekend?  :)  If so, let me know how it goes.  Wish I could have made it a semiannual thing.  Unfortunately my apartment is much much too small for party hosting.

On a sad note, when I did this google search the second item that popped up was an extremely blasphemous anti-LDS blogspot.com page.  It seriously made me so sad.  Why can't people respect others' beliefs and leave it alone?  Why do people have to spend so much time (and this guy spent a LOT of time) making up blogs for this sort of thing.  I only spent a few seconds on the blog as it was so offensive, but it was clear this was a very extensive piece of work.  It broke my heart.

1 Nephi 4-7

So I mentioned yesterday I'm going to do the 90 day Book of Mormon Challenge.  Yesterday was day 2 and I already missed that one.  I was just getting into bed to read when my phone rang.  It was my sometimes over-the-phone-reading buddy so I thought, perfect timing.  Well, not really.  This call occurred at 11pm and turned into one of those conversations, you know, the ones you can't really just say, "You know, I'm really sorry, but we'll have to continue this extremely important conversation later because I need to get my six pages in before midnight."  The call lasted two hours and by 1am it was all I could do to hit the disconnect button before I fell asleep.

But, have no fear, there's about a week (maybe a little less) of buffer time so if you miss a day here or there it's not too drastic.  But in the future, I will be doing my best not to miss days, and when I do, will be trying to make those six pages up the next day.  Oh yeah, and this probably goes without saying, but usually if a chapter continues on to a seventh or eighth page, I'll just finish the chapter, instead of breaking right in the middle.

Moving along.  There were a few of you who actually mentioned wanting to do the 90 Day Challenge as well.  I figured, why not include the blog?  If anyone really wants to try to stay on track together, I think it will be motivating (at least for me) to feel like someone else out there is depending on me to not give up.  And guess what, if you (or I) happen to fall behind (or anyone wants to join in when we're halfway through) no big deal.  It's all about facing the right direction, and moving forward, no matter what the pace.

Obviously not every day, but on days I feel inclined I'd like to document some of my thoughts/feelings I had during my reading, and I'd like to open my comment box to anyone else reading along (or with feelings on the particular chapters) to add their insights as well.

Please be curtious and respectful.  If there's someone out there lurking who has something negative to say, please keep your thoughts to yourself.  I went private once due to anonymous disrespectful comments, and don't want to have to go private again. 

My humble, simple thoughts probably won't bring any insight to anyone other than myself, but I would love to hear thoughts from some of you more knowledgeable readers out there.

Now that that's out of the way, I guess I'll give this a shot and hopefully this is a positive experience.

I really loved N4:6- And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do.

(bold added by blogger)

This verse especially stuck out to me tonight.  It's just such an amazing example of faith.  Truly walking out into the darkness, or stepping off that cliff, not knowing beforehand what will happen, but having 100% trust that the Lord will guide you.  

I also noticed in the footnote 6b "Gifts of Inspiration"  This reminded me that these promptings of the Holy Spirit are gifts.  They are not entitlements, but a wonderful blessing from the Lord, and I need to remember to thank Him for the frequent promptings He sends me.

I've been trying to read aloud.  I think it helps me understand a little better.  When I read N5:8- ...Now I know of a surety that the Lord hath commanded my husband to flee into the wilderness; yea, and I also know of a surety that the Lord hath protected my sons, and delivered them out of the hands of Laban, and given them power whereby they could accomplish the thing which the Lord hath commanded them...

It sounded to me like what Sariah would be saying as if she were standing at the pulpit, bearing her testimony.  Like so many of the other heroic acts in the scriptures, I marveled at how much of Sariah's faith must have been tested, to send her sons back to Laban.

In N6:6 Nephi states- Wherefore, I shall give commandment unto my seed, that they shall not occupy these plates with things which are not of worth unto the children of men.

To me this is saying, if Nephi said nothing should be written that's not important, than everything written is of import.  This reminds me even the parts I get lost in have a meaning, and are important for me to understand.

Lastly, I want to conclude with this quote from Gordon B. Hinckley about the 90 Day Encounter with the Book of Mormon.  (This was in reference to reading the Book of Mormon three times in 90 days, but I still think it applies.  One day I'll be that ambitious.)

"Brothers and sisters, without reservation I promise you that if you will prayerfully read the Book of Mormon, regardless of how many times you previously have read it, there will come into your hearts an added measure of the Spirit of the Lord.  There will come a strengthened resolution to walk in obedience to His commandments, and there will come a stronger testimony of the living reality of the Son of God."

("The Power of the Book of Mormon," Ensign, June 1988, p.6)

Scars

So as I was leaving my much needed mani/pedi I was checking out my new color choice (OPI's We'll Always Have Paris) and noticed the scab on my toe is turning into a purplish scar.  Every time I look at this pesky little boo boo I think of my beloved friend "Mr. P."  I'll keep his name anonymous because the poor guy felt so guilty about how this happened.  It really wasn't anyone's fault, just a little snafu while we were building my IKEA wardrobe.  

Then I got to thinking this budding scar sorta looks like the one on my pinky, which came from Curtis accidently bumping me while we were walking out of the movie and I tripped and my hand hit the corner of this movie poster and it started bleeding.

Great, I thought to myself as I walked toward Grand Central.  Not only are guys leaving emotionally scars on me, they're leaving physical scars on me as well.

Which leads me into the main focus of this post.  Today I had a lot on my mind, and a lot of time to think.  I found myself frequently drifting off in thought while at work.  

Let me preface this by saying, there is nothing dramatic happening in my dating life.  That being said, dating is hard.  Relationships are hard.  

But just how hard is normal?

This is sort of a rhetorical question, but not necessarily.  If anyone feels comfortable leaving a comment (this is directed towards happily married couples) I would actually really love it, even if it's anonymously.  (Or emailed to me at raehope1@gmail.com)

I mean, my google reader subscribes to a lot of blogs, and I would say more of these blogs belong to married people, versus single.  Please please don't get me wrong, I really feel so fortunate that my path has taken me down a road where I get to have these post-college years being single.  I know one day I'll get married and that will happen at the right time, but for now I really do love the benefits that come along with just being me, instead of we.

When I look at all these married blogs sometimes I think, "Gosh, they look so happy.  It seems like there's just none of that negative stuff that inevitably comes along with a relationship.  I'm not naive enough to believe any marriage is without frustration, but I also know you marry your best friend, and usually (90% of the time?  75%?  98%?) things are great.  Marriage is "so fun."  (The most common response I get when asking a friend how married life is.)

But do you fight?  I don't even necessarily mean yelling.  But do you have those long conversations when you're both so frustrated, sometimes to the point of tears, because someone gets their feelings hurt, or someone misunderstood something, or someone's taking out their frustration from work on the other?  What I'm not talking about here, is little short, curt responses that are said and done in 2 seconds, that does nothing but make the environment a little tense.  

I just don't get what is "normal" and to be expected, and at what point do you say enough and move on?  I do find myself looking at peoples' marriages on their blogs and think, "How is it possible to be THAT happy all the time?"  Realistically I know it's not bliss 24/7, but sometimes it looks like it is and I just feel so confused.  I can't even imagine my siblings arguing with their spouses.

I know no one can answer what is right for me.  But can someone please just tell me either "Yes, we get extremely frustrated with each other and hash it out over long tense conversations" or "No, we really just get along great almost all the time.  There's never any drama or tears."  (And don't feel like if you do comment, it will change my route in a relationship.  I'm not at any decision making points, I've just sort of wondered this for a while.)

For the most part, I'm not really one of those girls who's constantly fighting with her boyfriends.  I think it's probably pretty obvious to roommates or my close coworkers when things are rough in a relationship because I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, but I've never been the girl crying at school or work because my boyfriend and I are mad at each other.  And I've learned enough that I don't really "fight" (implying yelling, saying things I don't really mean, etc.....obviously I'm not always in 100% control, but I've gotten a lot better at trying to communicate my feelings in a calm, rational way.)

But have there been late night discussions where I (and usually the boyfriend at the time) get to the point where we hit a wall, and tear up, and just don't know what to do to fix it?  Yes.  (Never a good idea because what good can come when you're tired?  But still.....it happens.)

I realize I'm being very open here, which makes me feel somewhat vulnerable, but honestly sometimes I just don't care.  This is my blog, and if I feel like pouring out my feelings in it I'm going to.  Maybe later I'll regret it and go back and erase it, but for now I'm sort of just letting the thoughts run through my head and out from my fingertips.

If nothing else, I only ask that you please not make assumptions.  I've basically described past relationships in a few paragraphs, and only written the ugliest parts.  Please don't assume I'm in, or have been in, these hideous relationships where we do nothing but fight.  Pretty much every relationship I've been in has brought me so much joy.  I've found best friends in these boyfriends, who've made me so happy and so much of a better person.

Thoughts?  I'm sorry if this is a lot of rambling, and doesn't make sense.  It's been sort of a heavy day.

PS Please know, I'm not at all, in any way, shape, or form, asking you to divulge anything you feel is too personal.  Just some insight and wisdom from you "we"s out there, on a strictly voluntary basis of course.  Thanks.

Hydrate

Does anyone else think about so many different things during the day and think, "I want to blog about that tonight"?  Maybe I'm the only one, since I can't blog until I'm at home.  Anyway, by the time I get to the computer most of my thoughts are gone.  There's no one topic to this post, so bear with me.

• So I went to a dermatologist Friday, mostly for this annoying scalp condition (under normal circumstances I might be embarrassed to admit t this to other people, but honestly I'm finding it's more common than people think, so why not talk about it?)  Anyway, I'll spare you the details, but I've gotten pretty frustrated with different little annoyances with my skin.  Yes, I've been fortune to have a pretty clear complexion, but I've always had dry skin.  Lately I've developed these little bumps on my arms and part of my legs.  What the heck is that about?  I did a little research and it turns out this is a really common irritation that affects a lot of adults.  It can't be cured (how convenient) but it can be treated.  Every night I've been putting lotion containing AHA on the affected areas and it really seems to help.  The only lotion I could find with AHA is Eucerin, which I actually really hate, but it helps.  While I was at the derm, he mentioned noticing I have dry lips.  Yikes, other people notice?  I mean skin's his specialty and all but still.... Yes, I am painfully addicted to chap stick.  Anyway, basically all these little things (maybe not the dry lips) are made worse due to stress (not really that stressed right now) and dehydration.  Ahhh, ding ding ding.  Should I be embarrassed to admit I drink hardly any water?  I have more water at home at night, but for the most part I'm sucking down Diet Cokes at the office.  So in an attempt to help these little problem areas out I'm drinking more water and less Diet Coke.  I'm not going to go crazy here and I say I'm quitting Diet Coke because we all know how long that would last, but I'm cutting back.  All the water intake doesn't allow any other liquids!  (At least not much.)  Every time I feel my dry lips I take another sip of water and I swear it's already helping.  I haven't used chap stick once today.
• In other "betterment" news, now that I'm feeling more settled into my apartment I'm trying to get back (not sure when the last time I was there) into a routine.  I'm currently sitting in my gym clothes and will head up to the dreadmill after this post.  I really really want to try to work out more.  This always comes in cycles, but I'm going to try to at least ease my way into it, so I don't burn out after two days.
• And speaking of routine, I will admit it, I'm not a good scriptures reader.  I'm also doing the 90 day Book of Mormon challenge.  6 pages a day and I'll have it read by the end of the year.  I just started last night so if you want to join me you're only one day behind.  Anyone want in?  Anyone?
• I haven't posted pictures of the new place because it's honestly still in limbo.  I've fianlly unpacked everything but there's just not places for everything to go, at least not how I'd like them.  I actually still have one box, of coats.  I need a coat hanger because there's no room in my closet.  And we need some sort of closet to hold things like a Swiffer, and a broom, and an ironing board, and cleaning supplies.  And we also need all these things that would go in said closet.  By the way, I really want a Tobi.  I read about it on a friend's blog and was intrigued, and yesterday I saw an infomercial.  Now I just need to find an extra $100.  I seirously HATE to iron, and am SO bad at it, and I hear this thing works wonders.  
• Today was beautiful outside.  Mis 70s.  Nice how it rains all weekend and then is beautiful when I'm back at work.  Typical.  Speaking of the weekend, I'm a really bad friend because I ditched out on one of my oldest friends Steve's birthday party Saturday night.  I couldn't get motivated to schlep up to 111th Street.  So not only did I feel bad, but today while walking through Bryant Park to get lunch I ran into the birthday boy, as well as mike, and three of their other accounting friends from PwC.  They gave me a hard time about it and all I could say was, "I have no excuse.  I'm a really bad friend."  Steve, if you're reading this, I really am sorry!!!  It was just one of those days/nights.
• Also, if you work in an environment where you're in a group that has an assistant, it's a smart decision to be nice to him/her.  I know assistants aren't all that important, and we make like, 1/4 of your salary (when you're one of the lower paid in the group) but still, just by way of FYI, when you're rude/arrogant/annoying, we put your work off and do others' first who are nice to us.  And by the way, you're like, 27, and one of the newer guys.  You're definitely not as cool or nearly as important as you think you are.  I'm just saying.  (Obviously this person is completely hypothetical........but if you fit the description, be nice to your admin.  Word gets around and no one wants to help you.)
• I hate to admit it, but I'm about over Dancing with the Stars.  Sorry Mom, but it just takes up too much time and I'm just not that into it.  It's like American Idol, but worse.  Just not entertaining enough to commit like 4 hours a week to.  I don't have the time, even with a dvr.
• Speaking of tv, now I'm looking at the skinny girls on Gossip Girl so it's definitely time to hit the gym.

One more

Cute little Buddha.

Look who came into town!

Friday night my favorites from Boston came down.  Maddy and I took her parents to Blockheads.  We always love some good Mexican food!

I loved having Maddy sit on my lap.  She's just a little ball of joy and happiness and love.  So sweet.

After dinner we headed back to the hotel for some playtime and to watch the debate.

Smiling at Mommy.

Love this one.

And of course, Maddy loves Daddy.

Saturday morning they picked me up so they could see my new place, and then we headed to Doughnut Plant, which Nad had seen featured on the travel channel.  The doughnuts were definitely worth the trip to the LES.  SO good.

5th Ave at 50th Street

Only in New York.

Tower 7

This is the view when down the street when I step in front of my new building.  I look down Washington Street and there's my future office building.  Can't wait till next year when HSBC moves to World Trade and I can walk to work.

Which way to Bloomingdales?

Doesn't Meg look like she's ready for the mall?

Susan G. Koman: Race for the Cure

Two weeks ago I "ran" my first 5K.  Actually, it was my first official race ever.  I use the term ran lightly, as most of the time I was walking. 

Breast Cancer research is something I hold near and dear to my heart.  At the age of 25 I've known too many people already who've been affected by this disease, and lost my dear sweet Aunt Leza to the battle last fall.

When I saw an ad on the subway a few months ago I immediately signed up.  I was truly overcome by the generosity of so many who donated and helped me raise far beyond my goal.

For those of you who received the email asking for support, a lot of this will be repeated information, but I want to put it in my blog for my own record.

This was a special race for me as I was close with my Aunt Leza.  New York was her favorite place to visit and even though we were close while I was growing up, it wasn't until after my decision to move here that we became so much more connected.

I was sitting in Central Park last year on September 1st, when I received the news of my aunt's passing.  It was a beautiful day, and I was there with my mom, brother, and sister-in-law.

When I saw this race would be taking place in Central Park, I couldn't think of a better place to have it.

Two Sundays ago, September 14th, I met up with my friend Courtnie, and we headed up to the park.  It was a beautiful day.

I was blown away by the turn out.  It was so amazing and neat to be in a place where everyone was coming together for the same cause.  It was somewhat of a foreign feeling, to be in New York and have everyone so friendly, happy, and helpful.  I was a bit overwhelmed in the middle of the park, trying to find where I signed in and could pick up my shirt and bib, but everyone was very helpful.

There were thousands of people.  It really didn't sink in how many people are affected, until I saw so many people with there signs reading, "I'm running in celebration of...."  Just seeing all those names really hit home.  It also was humbling to see the little kids, who were there in support of their moms.  Truly inspiring.

Me and Court, trying to get to the front.  The race had begun but there were so many people filling up Central Park West, you couldn't even move.

My sweet Uncle Mike, Leza's husband, sent me this shirt to wear.  I love it so much.  So many people were wearing shirts in memory of someone, but I didn't see anyone wearing one with a picture.  I had a woman come up to me during the race to tell me she loved the shirt.  I was so proud.

I took this picture after we'd run about half a mile up Central Park West, and then turned into Central Park.  When I was living on West 112th Street I used to run down Central Park West to Columbus Circle.  This was during the time Leza was sick, and I'd often think of her during these runs.

By this point Courtnie and I had separated and were going at our own pace.  It was such an amazing experience.  I just can't say that enough.  I jogged without my iPod in for the first mile or so, to take in the experience.  It was great to have people cheering us along on the sidelines, little cheerleaders, and people handing out water.  I think it would be really cool to volunteer next year.

As I mentioned, it was a beautiful day.  I truly could feel Leza's spirit there with me, so strong.  As I was listening to my iPod I had some fun music, like the Beatles, "I Saw Her Standing There" and Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl".  So many times I'd think of her and I always just saw her, dancing around, always with the biggest grin on her face, always so happy.  Anyone who knew Leza knew what a great dancer she was, and how she was always having fun.  

This was quite the emotional experience for me.  I will admit I cried for the first two miles, but it was just a really neat thing for me to do.  I wish I could put my feelings into words better.

After the race there were stands everywhere, giving out free everything.  I loved this water bottle, and thought, how perfect!

Being a breast cancer survivor, Cynthia Nixon was there, helping give out the awards.  I've seen her a few times filming in the city, but this was the closest I'd ever seen her.  She is tiny, and was so sweet.

When Courtnie and I were headed back to the subway we walked through an area where so many of the benches were dedicated.  I especially loved this one.  So sweet.

Loved it

Last night I went to a tiny little theater in the Village and saw Hounddog.  I feel like I've been hearing about this movie for over a year.  People have been protesting it due to a graphic scene involving Dakota Fanning, a minor.  I'm not going to rationalize it, and say it was no big deal, however with all the hype I was imagining something much worse.  I couldn't fight the curiosity from the negative press, however, and being a big Dakota fan, wanted to see for myself.  

The little theater was awesome.  My ticket was only $10, that being a steal as usually movie tickets in the city are $12-12.50.  Sodas and popcorn ranged from $2-5.  Seriously?  And there were only about 50 seats in my little theater.  To make it even better, Deborah Kampmeier, the writer of the movie, came out before it started to talk to the audience.  She said this movie had taken 12 years to make, and now that it's been released in limited theaters, they're working hard to have it released everywhere.

I love New York.  I love that every movie that's made can be found in the smallest little theater around, and the writers/actors will show up to make appearances.  (Charlize Theron was at the Lowes theater on 66th to do a Q&A session before the showing of Battle in Seattle just a few weeks ago.  Tickets were available for anyone.)

All that being said, I loved the movie.  There were two very short, uncomfortable scenes, and despite those, there was nothing in the movie that was questionable.  Dakota Fanning is such an amazing, talented little actress.  I hope she can stay straight, and not get screwed up like so much of young Hollywood.

And most of all I really, really loved the moral of the story.  Crappy things happen in life, and then it's up to us to decide if we will let it ruin us, or make something good come from it.  Maybe I just liked it so much because that's something I've been working on in the last year.  I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, as you definitely could be offended by the content, but if you think you can handle it, it really is a great show, and you should see it if it's playing in a theater near you.

Thanks

Thanks for those who've come forward to say you've been secretly enjoying my blog.  If you don't want to leave a comment you can always email me at raehope1@gmail.com.

Come on, there's no shame!  Whoever you are in Atlanta, and El Cajon.....I can see on my statcounter that you're a returning visitor.  So why not just say hi?

My new favorite city that's popping up?  Cardiff by the Sea.  Love that name.  And even better, I love that I know whose computer it's coming from.  :)

Youtube

So I'm not much of a youtuber but Maria showed me this video and I've probably watched it a million times.  Funniest thing ever.  Makes me excited to have kids one day.  There's so many things I love about this, her little face, her mom laughing, and the little girl's reasoning for her actions.  And honestly, besides my nieces, have you ever seen a cuter little girl?  Chels put it best when she said she looks like a Cabbage Patch Doll.

Enjoy.  

*PS Sorry if this offends you.  If you're a regular reader of my blog you should know by now sometimes I'm offensive.

Help

How in the world do I post a youtube video on here?

Just asking...

I love the Just Asking... section of Page Six from the Post, but it always leaves me wondering.

Sort of like how I feel when I look at my stat counter and wonder who's looking at my blog that I may, or may not, know.  I don't feel threatened, awkward, or creeped out, but I do feel curious.  So come on, reveal yourselves!  I look at plenty of blogs who belong to people who are friends of friends of friends.  Sometimes it's entertaining, or sometimes I'm just bored.  At any rate, if I look enough, I usually introduce myself by leaving a comment.  I think for the most part people don't really care, and neither do I!

So.....who are you?

Mom

I'm maybe the worst daughter ever, because with all the shout outs I've done, I think this is my mom's first.  Last year on her birthday I didn't have a computer so I was rarely blogging.  

Her birthday was last week, and in honor of her golden bday, I'd like to list 35 things I love about my mom.  Sorry it's late Mom, hope your day was great!

1. Her infectious laugh
2. Her phenomenal cooking skills
3. Her embarrassing stories she doesn't mind sharing so we all get a good laugh
4. The way she pretends she knows the words to songs and will sing along in the car, but if I turn down the volume she'll slowly fade away
5. Her thoughtful nature
6. Her always good intentions
7. She puts people first
8. She loves her family so much, and will do anything to have them near her
9. The way she'll cry over a commercial (maybe that's where I get it?)
10. Her sweet karate kicks she used to bust out when we were younger
11. The way she'll rock out
12. How she loves to dance
13. She was always the mom my friends loved
14. Her leadership abilities
15. Her fashion sense, which is usually better than mine
16. Her little sayings, that are pounded in all our heads
17. The way she indulges
18. She's a giver
19. She'll always take me everywhere I want to go, when I come to California
20. She makes friends with everyone.  Seriously, you can't take her anywhere because she knows people everywhere.
21. She'll let you choose where you want to eat, what movie you want to see, what game you want to play (except for when the Mexican Train is involved....we always have to play that one)
22. She likes the same tv shows I do
23. She gets the best tans
24. Even when I'm a brat, she shakes it off and still wants to talk to me
25. She's spontaneous and always up for something new
26. She always wants our time together as family to be the most fun and most memorable
27. She always figures out the twists and surprises is movies (something that actually drives me crazy, but only because I never figure these things out)
28. The way she acts like she's so impressed by my living in Manhattan
29. The way she can talk to anyone, whether she's known them her whole life or just met them
30. She makes me feel like I can speak openly, and don't have to sensor myself
31. She always tries to do the right thing
32. She'll always spoil us, even though we're all adults
33. How she'll work so hard, to make everything perfect when we come home
34. The way she was always involved in my life growing up
35. The way she continually unconditionally loves us

Marketing approach

"Umbrella's here!  Cheaper than cigarettes!"

Heard yesterday on the corner of 40th Street and 6th Ave.

Only in New York, kiddies.

6th Avenue, somewhere in the 30s

Seen in the window of a little shop in the fashion district, above a metal folding chair.

Only in New York, kids, only in New York.

New do?

It was rainy today, and maybe I killed some time by playing around with the In Style hair makeover tool.  There's so many celeb styles from which to choose, they've even got Sarah Palin.

Heavy boots.

Maybe it's that sad Grey's Anatomy has been on in the background for the past two hours.  Maybe it's because it's raining and a nor'easter is heading our way.  Or maybe it's because Wall Street's been so dang depressing the last couple weeks.  Not sure.

Heavy boots.  Yep, tonight I've got em.

Phobia

noun: a persistent, irrational fear of a specific object, activity, or situation that leads to a compelling desire to avoid it.

It happened.  I saw what I think was my first spider since I've been living in Manhattan.  (Seriously, we don't have them here.  Cockroaches, on the other hand, are a different story.)  Anyone who knows me well knows I freak out when I see spiders, mostly if they take me by surprise.  My saint of a dad killed so many spiders for me growing up.  You might think this enabled my fear, but I can honestly tell you I have tried to kill them.  I could tell you stories, one that includes a 30 minute battle with one that started downstairs, and finally ended in my parents' bedroom with a dead spider on the bottom of my mom's shoe, with a note on the table giving her the fyi.

I can't even tell you how many times people have seen me freak out at the sight of a spider and have given me the ridiculous roll of the eyes, and obnoxious, "It's a spider."  It's like they think they can talk me out of the fear.  It's psychological people.  I understand you don't understand it, but I also don't appreciate the intolerance.

Today at work there was a spider coming down it's web right behind my chair.  When I saw it I immediately hopped out of my chair.  My boss was standing right there and when I told him what freaked me out he saw it, and then grabbed the string.  I stood there watching the whole thing, with my hand on my chest, and for the first time during an episode like this I was able to really take notice of what I was feeling.  I could feel my heart pounding so hard, and fast.  I suddenly felt my face getting so hot, realized how heavily I was breathing, and noticed my palms (and pits, sorry) totally sweaty.

Worried he might not understand that this wasn't just a little "ew, those are gross" situation, I kept backing away from him.  I didn't want him getting any crazy thoughts like he should chase me with it because it'd be "funny."  He tried to talk rationality to me but I could hardly respond because I could fear the tears welling up.  Seriously??  I know how ridiculous this sounds.  And I have really, really tried to get over it.  I hate the way I feel completely powerless.  Really, I hate it.

The sad news is, the spider got away, so it's probably building its nest in my chair.  Or maybe it crawled in my bag and I brought it home with me.  Awesome.

What are your irrational fears?

I'm alive

I've officially painted, and moved in, but not quite finished unpacking.  It's been a process, dependent upon a few things.  I'm almost done, but have been ridiculously busy, and totally exhausted.  And don't worry, my bruised and scabbed foot is slowly recovering from the piece of IKEA furniture that collapsed on it.  That was fun.

Obviously with the crash of our economy things have been pretty crazy at work.  My poor boss pretty much hasn't slept all week.  He's been at the office till almost midnight, and starting conference calls with Asia at 2:30 in the morning.  I've seen guys falling asleep on their desks this week.  And snoring.  

I've just been busy trying to make his life easier in any way I can.  You know it's going to be a bad day when you wake up for work and there's a text from the man, asking to pick up 15 breakfast burritos from McDonald's for the desk.

Anyway, at some point I'll post pics of the new place.  Don't anticipate a lot, it's about half the size of my last.  But I am love love loving my new room.

More soon.

9/11

It was a somber day in New York.  When I exited the back of my building this morning I was bombarded with fire trucks with their lights flashing, firemen, and police officers directing traffic.  They were getting ready for the memorial service which happens every year, just three blocks away from my apartment, at World Trade Center.

To say it was a heavy feeling this morning, as a moment of silence was held four times, the first at 8:46am, would be an understatement.  It was so strange to hear the trading floor go completely silent and see the traders with their heads down, and equally strange to look up at the TVs and see the Stock Exchange silent.  It was almost deafening.

Last year was my first time in New York on September 11th, and I'll never forget it.  This year, however, seemed to feel even heavier, I'm not sure why.  I was living in this apartment in 2007, and was working for the same company.  Maybe it's because I've heard so many more personal experiences from that day.  Maybe it's because I know next September 11th my company will be located in Tower 7 of World Trade, or maybe it's because after living here for almost two years I feel an even stronger tie to New York; I don't know.  

I know I will never comprehend how it felt to be here in 2001.  I can only think about and pray for those who experienced a loss that day.  

*Both photos taken out of my living room window of f the Twin Towers Memorial Lights.

Autumn in New York

Is there anything better?

Yesterday on my way to work it was a little bit darker in the morning, and brown leaves were flying in the air.

It's official, it's fall, I thought to myself.

Even though I'm such a summer time girl, I couldn't help but smile.  Today it was a tad bit more crisp.  I found myself searching for sunlight to walk in, instead of the usual shadow casts by buildings I crave all summer long.  I went into Lord and Taylor this afternoon and was bombarded by gloves, hats, and scarves.  (Can't wait to start wearing my new Uggs!)

Like Katie, I contemplate whether I really would prefer warm days all year round like back in California, or if I really do enjoy the change of seasons.  I used to scoff at my dad when he'd complain about California lacking four seasons.

Now, I understand.  And I like it.  

It's a small world. Some might say a little TOO small.

One of these places is the first home from which I have memories.  The fam and I moved away 21 years ago and I haven't been back since.

The other place is where I'll be visiting someone four weeks from Friday.

Twelve miles apart.  Weird.  Maybe I'll go visit the McCrackens.

I'm just sayin...

Risa and Ryan Williams, 08/31/2008

So I made it to Portland safely the Thursday before the wedding.  When I arrived I was SO exhausted, as I'd been working all day and landed at 11pm (so 2am east coast time.)  Risa told me she'd take me back to her place, but everyone was hanging out at Dr. Feelgoods, the bar about a mile away from her and Ryan's house.  I didn't want to be antisocial so I said I wouldn't mind stopping by for a bit.  I ended up getting a second wind and we stayed out till a little after 1.  Obviously I was so tired, but that didn't stop us from staying up till about 3:30 or so, chatting away and catching up.  Luckily we didn't need to get up the next day for anything until our nail appointments at 2pm.

Looking all sorts of nasty.

I love little Troy.

Friday night at the rehearsal dinner.  It was held at the home of Risa's aunt and uncle, Katherine and Mike.  Obviously so gorgeous.  We ate dinner on the deck overlooking the water.  Mike also married Ryan and Risa.

Saturday we all got on a charter bus and went wine tasting at three different vineyards.  It was so beautiful.

We took a tour at the last winery.

Saturday night we ended up going to Dr. Feelgood's again.  It's quite the dive bar.  An empty dancefloor didn't stop Dustin from busting a move.  Ryan had about 16 buddies in town for the wedding.  To say they were wild and rowdy is quite an understatement, but they were a lot of fun too.

Getting ready.

Striking a pose.

Best friends since 1997.  Doesn't Rees look so gorgeous?

Risa's cousin Kelcey and I were the bridesmaids.

No event is complete without taking the "crayfish" photo.  Oh the cheer days...

I LOVED all the black and white.  Rees has great taste.

With Troy, the Man of Honor.

It was so fun to have my parents there.

Their first dance to God Blessed the Broken Road.  It was so sweet, and perfect.

I don't think there was a dry eye during Risa and John's dance.

The happy Mr. and Mrs. Williams.