Tuesday, March 17, 2009


There's something wrong...You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad."
-Morpheus in The Matrix
(Complete quote found on www.aroomofmamasown.com)

I've recently been made aware of the accuracy of my instincts.  It's sort of scary.  People talk a lot about how you need to trust your instincts.  Oprah frequently discusses "the moment" when you should have listened to your instincts when you had an uneasy feeling, just before something bad happened.
Instincts are a tricky thing because we second guess ourselves.  I wish I could get past the "psyching myself out" issue, and really only tune in to my instincts.  With the disaster that is Wall Street/the economy I've had a few times I was convinced I was going to lose my job in the next layoff.  Thankfully, I have yet to face that situation (knock on wood.)  I guess I chalk those moments up to nerves and anxiety.  
It's so difficult to distinguish between nerves and instincts.  Sort of similar to distinguishing between the Spirit and our own thoughts.  I've learned that, no matter what, if I have a thought, whether it's truly a prompting or just my own thought, if it's to do something for the good, to just follow it.  But where does that leave me with instincts?  Obviously if my instincts are telling me to make a decision that will keep me safe (like a few weeks ago when I got up and moved away from the creepy guy on the subway, even though I felt like a jerk by my obvious move) I will go with playing it safe.  But what about when it's looking after the safety of my heart?  It's not so cut and dry.  I could follow my instincts and protect myself, or I could be throwing something great out the window.
Due to a recent revelation of information I've discovered things in my life would have gone down a different road, had I listened to my gut and pursued action, and not let some things go.  It's so difficult to not be persuaded by rationality, and lack of evidence.
I've starting thinking in the future when in similar situations I will not just "let it go" when I've got that "splinter" in my mind.  (Gosh, is that a great description or what??)  But I'm scared.  Scared of going out on a limb and following my instincts to the unknown.  

1 comment:

Michelle said...

Fear is definitly the hardest part. There is a great book by C.S. Lewis called the Screwtape Letters. Read it! It is great!