Eyebrows would be self maintaining.
The trash would take itself out.
I wouldn't be powerless against the force that makes me flip through every page of the Victoria's Secret Christmas 2009 catalogue, and loathe myself with each and every piece of lace and rhinestone.
Postage would be free.
All my friends would live in my neighborhood.
I'd wake up refreshed every morning when my alarm went off.
I wouldn't have jowls.
There'd be an endless supply of Goldfish in my cupboard.
*Update, I was just eating Goldfish while watching The Biggest Loser and totally inhaled one whole. After a few hacking attempts to try to get it back up, coupled with nervous looks at Maria who was prepared to give the heimlich, I finally swallowed the whole thing. Maybe I wouldn't have an endless supply...