Tuesday, November 17, 2009

If I ruled the world

Shoes would come already broken in.
Eyebrows would be self maintaining.
The trash would take itself out.
I wouldn't be powerless against the force that makes me flip through every page of the Victoria's Secret Christmas 2009 catalogue, and loathe myself with each and every piece of lace and rhinestone.
Postage would be free.
All my friends would live in my neighborhood.
I'd wake up refreshed every morning when my alarm went off.
I wouldn't have jowls.
There'd be an endless supply of Goldfish in my cupboard.

*Update, I was just eating Goldfish while watching The Biggest Loser and totally inhaled one whole.  After a few hacking attempts to try to get it back up, coupled with nervous looks at Maria who was prepared to give the heimlich, I finally swallowed the whole thing.  Maybe I wouldn't have an endless supply...


katherine said...

I'd elect you leader with these stances. I lived on goldfish in college. Yum!

Elise said...

eyebrows...sigh. i am trying to grow mine out for reshaping. after years & years of over tweezing and over waxing, it is taking way too long. and in the mean time? those stay hairs? it takes everything in me not to pluck. thank goodness for bangs.

Ang said...

I hate that you were choking, but love imagining what you looked like. Totally with you about having shoes already broken in. That's pretty much why I only wear three shoes... running shoes, clogs, and flip flops. Heals occasionally but my feet always suffer afterwards.

Michelle said...

I would agree with all that, and also include leg shaving!! Especially being pregnant. Oy! Can't even bend over to put on shoes, let alone take a razor blade to my legs!