Thursday, October 6, 2011


I will continue with the story soon. How did two months fly by? Where is my life going? In all honesty, aside from being busy, I’ve been really intimidated to write this next section. I don’t think putting it in words will do justice to explain what happened and how difficult it was for me to process. And I realize when people write words like that, it’s because something actually legitimately tragic happened, verses what my situation was, which was hard, but not quite as dramatic as I’m making it sound here. I’ve struggled with finding the words that exactly explain my thoughts, and also protect the privacy of others. Additionally, I feel like unless you know me really well, and have known me for a large portion of my time in New York, you won’t understand why the next part of the story is as significant as it really is. I’ve had some people comment who I don’t know personally and I think, “This is a whole lot of leadup and they’re not going to get it.” I feel like there’s expectations that I’m not going to meet. Actually, I think it will be sorely disappointing because I’ve realized because I’ve written so openly and honestly about how I’ve felt, it’s sort of been a big lead up to what some might expect to be a big dramatic event. And it’s really not.

And then I think…I started writing this because I wanted to write it all a year ago but it was just too dang fresh and too much and I just didn’t have it in me and didn’t know how much I wanted to share with the www at the time. I finally felt comfortable enough to write it, and still felt the need to put all my thoughts and experiences down, so I did, for me. Obviously blogging is not one hundred percent for me because otherwise I’d be putting this all in a private journal. But this is mostly for me, and the comments make it a little more fun :) and also encourage me to write more frequently than I would in a private journal.

So….I apologize for seemingly quitting. I didn’t, I just didn’t know how to get it all out into words. And you know what? I don’t even know where the story is going. I was talking to one of my best friends who really pretty much knows all the details and she said, “I’m so interested to see where this is going to go.” And I said, “I am too!” And laughed, because there’s not exactly and end.

So. I guess we’ll see. I promise more soon.


chelse said...

I just read story part ll which I must have missed with the move and such. Is there a part 1? I feel like I should know what's coming but for some reason I can't! I remember all of this while we were sitting in that cafe in San Francisco laughing about dave and life. But I don't remember the really bad part. Or maybe I do! ahhh Rae I should know you better than this!!!! But fyi, you really are a good writer! Maybe your calling is to write a book about your life. I bet everyone would read it! And lastly, I really miss you! Every time I read your blog I miss you

Kate said...

You are a really gifted writer. I find myself being drawn in by your expressions. It's mysterious, for sure, but it provokes a sense of calm; like something may be imminent, but it's all good. I love you. AK

Trish said...

Hi. I'm sitting here on the edge of my seat. Literally...

Catherine said...

Ok, I just read the 1st and 2nd parts of your story. Please continue!

Also, I love your sentiments about being tall and being single and so appreciate your honesty and ability to write out the actual feelings.