How is this possible?

This is the most cliche, but how is my squishy little babe...

already this grown up little preschooler? I can't handle it. I wanted to die when Nadia sent pictures of Madeline's first day yesterday. I feel like all my nieces and nephews are growing up so fast but this one especially. I swear she looks twelve. Make it stop. But don't. Because I love every little phase of her.


Thank goodness I have this little man to get my squishy babe fix.

Even better

I get to squeeze Mad and Spenc all weekend!

Enemy territory

Tomorrow night I'm going to Fenway for the first time ever. Despite my loyalties, as a baseball fan I am so excited, especially to be going with my favorite Sox fan. It's an akward feeling because they're playing the As, who I don't care about. Who do I root for? I'm afraid I'll get distracted and accidently start clapping along with the crowd for the Sox. It's hard to sit indifferently at a baseball game.

Britt & Log

Brittany and Logan, moments after he popped the question.

I could not be more thrilled two of my favorite New York friends are tying the knot this December. Congrats Britt and Log!!

I like to jokingly take credit for their love, since I invited them to this game:

and this very first weekend in the Berkshires:

but the truth is they didn't start dating until almost a year after the Berkshires. Regardless, so happy to call these two my friends and so happy for them to spend eternity together!

Earthquake!

Yesterday I was sitting at my desk when I thought I felt a little shaking. It took me a second to realize it wasn't my imagination. There was a little more and then I realized others were looking around wondering what it was. I stood up and could see the blinds shaking in an office. It felt like an earthquake but my immediate thought was, "No, this is New York." But it felt awfully similar to an earthquake...

Then one of our guys walked out on the phone and said, "That's a ****ing earthquake. They felt it in Jersey. We need to ****ing evacuate. They guy I was on the phone with in Jersey's building alarms were going off."

This is the point where people remained calm on the outside, but were clearly panicing on the inside. I had the thought to grab my phone but left my handbag behind. You really just don't think in these situations. I can't tell you how many times at my last job we had fire drills and had to leave the building, but I believe this is the first time it was for anything real.

As my colleagues and I walked the twenty six flights to the ground all I could think about was 9/11, and the people who were going down flight after flight after flight. I'd only gone about ten flights before my eyes started playing tricks on me and I was really losing my depth perception. I kept worrying I was going to trip down the stairs.

I also couldn't help but think about potential terrorist attacks. At the time I wasn't even thinking about the tenth anniversary of 9/11, but when you're in New York and something suspicious happens, the first thought you have is "terrorist."

We got outside and walked over to Central Park to get away from the buildings. Everyone was on the street, nervous because we still didn't know what was going on. I was able to make one call before I lost service, and then occasionally I'd get a text but couldn't send anything out. We finally heard the epicenter was in Virginia and it was a 5.8. I realized it wasn't that large on the scale, and have definitely felt stronger earthquakes and haven't been as nervous, but when you're in New York, and you're so high up, it's scary.

Nothing is sweeter

Hudson, 11 months

The thoughts of being a mom someday are intimidating to me. Really intimidating. But when I see the sweet faces of my nieces and nephews I think maybe someday I could do it.

I miss this.

Kathryn and me at the Bees game, watching her boyfriend Andrew Romine.

You cannot let your circumstances change you, you are the one who can change your circumstances. No one and nothing is holding you back but you. You are the reason you are where you are now, and only you have the power to take yourself to where you want to go. You make the decision, you are in control, every action, every choice, every moment depends on you.
Without the acknowledgement of your sole control over your success, you will always find a way to play victim. Change your mind, change your future. You WILL achieve the goals you have set, you just have to decide to make the full commitment to the success of your dreams.

-Kathryn Gosztyla

A Story: Part II

It was gorgeous Sunday afternoon and I was sitting in the car with my mom as we were driving home from picking up my niece and nephew. We were chatting away when my phone started buzzing. Court was calling. Strange. Mostly because when I go out of town it’s like my New York life sort of stops, and I don’t really hear from my friends other than an occasional text here and there.

I picked up:

R: Hey Court, what’s up?
C: Oh nothing, what are you doing?
R: I’m just driving home with my mom. We just picked up my niece and nephew to spend the night. You?
C: I just got down to your apartment. A bunch of us are over here hanging out and we’re going to play games.
R: Oh that sounds fun. So what’s up?

At this point I’m thinking it’s random she’s calling, especially when she’s with a group of people and obviously stepped away to make this call.

C: Wellllll, do you want to just call me back when you get home?
R: No it’s cool, I can talk. Is everything okay?
C: Hesitation….Yeeeeeah……yeah, everything’s fine, just call me when you get home okay?
R: Oooookay……no problem, talk to you soon.

I hung up and my mom asked what that was about. I explained the conversation and then just sorta thought, huh, weird. And then immediately I thought aloud, “Curtis is engaged.” I can’t remember my mom’s response but then I continued thinking aloud, “That has to be it. I can’t imagine any other reason she’d call unless it was an actual emergency, and if that were the case she would have sounded more urgent.” I remember my mom asking me how I’d feel about that. I wouldn’t feel great, but it wouldn’t devastate me. We’d had real, final closure back in March, and although really weren’t speaking, were otherwise on good terms. I knew he was dating someone then, and when we’d talked about her I told him then he’d marry her. He laughed and said they weren’t even serious, but I just knew. For over two years I knew him better than he knew himself. I knew he was in a really good place in life and was ready, and I could just tell. We’d texted earlier in the summer and he’d told me he was in love. For some reason that hurt a lot more than news of the engagement. Even though I knew it all was coming, that hurt the most.

I got home and went upstairs to my bedroom to call Courtnie back so I could get the news in private. Sure enough, according to facebook he’d popped the question. All my best friends happened to be in the same apartment when someone mentioned having seen it, and then they discussed whether they should call me or not. They knew I wouldn’t know already because I’d deleted him months before. She didn’t want to be the bearer of the news, but also didn’t want me to find out from someone else who maybe wouldn’t be as sensitive. We talked for a couple minutes, and I was surprised when I felt myself tearing up. I quickly thanked her, said goodbye, and threw on my running shoes.

I headed to RSM lake and pretended I was at the Reservoir, my real place of therapy. It wasn’t the same, but it would have to do. I would be lying if I didn’t say I felt partially relieved. I knew this day was coming and now it was over with. It was such a weird mixture of emotions.

When I got back to the car I was reminded how grateful I was that my friend had called, as I already had a nonchalant text about the news. My mom had also called telling me to meet them at Golden Spoon. It was a nice follow up to my run, and even nicer was the text waiting for me from Dave when I got back to my car. Nothing like a little pick me up.

I got home and showered and into comfy clothes for the night. I was ready to watch Mad Men when my dad came downstairs and started to discuss some things with my mom that were happening with my grandma’s health. He was exhausted and the conversation turned tense. I was so not in the mood. I decided to go for a drive, and impulsively text Dave and see if I could come over. Yes, I was looking for some TLC. I was fully aware of the state of my appearance; yoga pants again, tshirt, flip flops, wet hair in a bun, no makeup other than powder, and glasses. I figured he’d seen me dolled up Saturday night, and hit on me when I didn’t look much better on Friday, so what the hell? Was it a little reckless to just go to his house alone? Yes, I’ll admit it. But at some point you have to make the decision to trust someone, and I chose this point.

When I walked in I was immediately impressed. This was a man’s home. A three bedroom condo. A dog. Real furniture. Appliances. Decoration. Such a change from the guys I typically spend my time with who have been known to be sharing a bedroom and sometimes even sleeping in a bunk bed dorm style. I wish I were joking. I was instantly more attracted.

I sunk into the couch and we talked and talked about everything and nothing. He was charming. I was spunky and made him laugh. He was up front about really enjoying time with me. It was one of those scenarios where you felt like you’d known someone a month when in reality it’d only been a few days. I finally said something along the lines of, “I don’t think you really like me. I think you’re amused by me.” He responded with, “Why, because I’m not jumping on you right now? Because I didn’t kiss you last night? Because, don’t get me wrong, I wanted to kiss you.” Without hesitation I responded, “I wanted you to kiss me.” He then told me he could tell my guard was up when I came into his home and that even though I’d relaxed, I just wanted to talk, and that was fine. All I wanted him to do was kiss me.

We talked some more, and at some point he said, “So you don’t drink, what else don’t you do?” I said, “I don’t have sex.” “Okay.” “And I don’t do other things.” “Okay.” We’ll see how long this lasts.

Around 1am my mom texted me asking me to come home. I had to laugh as I asked a 41 year old man if he felt incredibly juvenile, having to say goodnight because my mom wanted me home. He was sweet about it and did nothing but make me feel more comfortable. He walked me out and confidently leaned in and kissed me goodnight. I can’t remember the last time (if ever) a guy just kissed me, just like that, without having to have the safety of watching a movie in the dark and cuddling, or being half way asleep, to work up the courage. This guy cut all the crap, gave me a hug, and then went straight in for the kiss. It. Was. Amazing. Being 5’11” it’s not common I feel petite. Even though I’m okay with my height, it doesn’t mean I don’t frequently feel awkward with men. I find it nearly impossible if I’m with a man who’s short, or my height, or maybe a little taller (when I’m lucky) and not too skinny, to not feel “big.” And feeling big does not feel feminine or sexy. So to be embraced by this dark Ecuadorian man, who quite honestly is only an inch or two taller, but so built, was heaven. He had 100 pounds on me. I’d even blurted out as we were sitting on the couch, “You have the hugest chest,” because the guy is just big, without appearing like a body builder. To this day I’ve never been as physically attracted to someone. Needless to say, it was steamy, and I couldn’t wipe the stupid grin off my face the whole drive home.

The next day he had an overnight layover trip so we didn’t see each other, but it didn’t stop the texting all day. I don’t remember what I did that day or night, but I do remember what I was doing when the next, far more devastating phone call came Tuesday morning.

Vacation by Instagram

Vacation was so much fun, but so exhausting. I can't imagine how I would have really changed anything though. There's never enough time. Here's how it all went down.

Friday:
Airport was a zoooooo. I've flown on Christmas Eve and haven't seen it this bad. Was happy I'd gotten there extra early and didn't need to stress. Happy as a clam as we're set to take off on time and the captain announces we're first for takeoff. And then, the rain and lightning storm hits. We sit on the ground for 2 1/2 hours. Before a 4 hour flight. Awesome. Luckily we finally took off and made up good time, only arriving an hour late. When we landed I was so tired I could hardly see straight so it was straight to bed.

Saturday:
Brunch at The Wild Grape with Lance and Melissa.

Shooting with E. So so fun. I shot a 22 rifle, 22 pistol, and a 9 mm. When it comes to guns I'm a total girl so I don't even know if I wrote that right. Even though I don't consciously feel nervous, I get so tense and Ethan had to keep reminding me to relax and breath. I had so much fun and felt like Jack Bauer. The craziest part was when we walked into the range and some guy shot a sniper gun. It was so loud and literally physically brushed me back. I've never experienced that before.

I posed like this and then Ethan said, "Is that your tough face?" So I took another, smiling, and looked totally stupid.

After shooting we met up with Alex for Cafe Rio and the Demolition Derby in Heber. I've never been to a derby before. I expected it to be fun but I enjoyed it even more than I anticipated. I'd picked this purple truck below as a winner for a round. It was super exciting when he hit this other truck and flipped it over. At another point he hit a truck and completely took the bed off. Pretty sweet. I was feeling very tough after my day of shooting and enjoying the derby.

Sunday:
Brunch with E, relaxing at Grandma's, and then tons and tons of cousins, aunts, and uncles over for dinner to celebrate Grandma's birthday. Was really wishing Shellie and Tri could have made it. We need a cousin reunion.

Monday:
Drove up to Boise. Everyone kept telling me I was driving so much in such a short amount of time, but I love it. I don't drive in the city and it's absolutely wonderful to get in a car, have an open road, and blast the radio. Last year on this vacation I drove from Orange County to Salt Lake on a Friday, up to Rexburg on Sunday, back to Salt Lake on Monday, and back to California on Tuesday. I loved every minute of it other than the bad traffic I hit in Vegas.

I got to Shantay's and we hung out for a bit and then met up with Brittney for dinner followed by dessert. We had such great girl talked and laughed so hard at one point that Shantay spit her water out.


Tuesday:
I drove to Rexburg and went straight to Chelse's. Man I love that girl. I wish so badly we could live by each other. She humored me and had lunch with me at Gringo's, my all time favorite Mexican restaurant. Shantay and I had "Tuesdays at 2" lunch dates forever in college and most of those were spent here. Chelse and I had some great girl talk and caught up. It's so hard to stay up to date in the lives of my married friends who live in a different time zone so these meals are so fun.

On my way to my grandparents' I drove through The Ridge parking lot and stopped for a minute to look at my old building. I lived in 303 for four months and 304 for from September 2003 until July 2006, only going home January-August 2004. I love love loved that place and made some of my best friends there.

Got to Grandma & Grandpa's and started helping with the raspberry picking. I picked about two buckets worth.

Idaho has the best sunsets I've ever seen. View from the back porch.

The White House.

After Grandma and Grandpa had gone to bed, I went over to Chelse and Ryley's. We sat around talking about the good ol' days and reminisced about the first time I visited Rexburg after I'd graduated and we went skinny dipping in Rigby Lake with Aimee and some unnamed boys. We then decided maybe we hadn't quite turned into old ladies yet....

Ready for a little mischief...

There are few things that will make you giggle harder than being in almost a pitch black night at 2am, standing on a dock naked, holding hands with one of your best friends, working up the courage to jump into the freezing lake. It took us a few minutes of standing their laughing but we finally did it.

Wednesday morning I drove back to Salt Lake and saw this as I was headed out of town. So so true. Chelse and Ryley were headed to Bear Lake so Chels drove with me as far as Pocatello. You know you are real friends when you're giggling like little girls one minute, and then six hours later driving in a car together talking about serious grown up stuff and trials in life.

After I got to Salt Lake I met up with Maria for lunch at The Robin's Nest. It was so yummy and even better to see my Maria. Sad we didn't take a photo.

Next I was off to SLC airport where I was able to meet up with Steph who was flying to NYC for the weekend.

I arrived in Orange County and my mom picked me up and we went straight to dinner at my high school hang out, Rubino's. I couldn't have been more thrilled to see the Yankees game on their tvs. My mom and I ended up chatting for about thirty minutes with lovely couple next to us, she was from New York and he was from Philly but they'd lived in California for thirty years. They were both still total east coasters.

Then I was off to my sweet Gina's new Irvine apartment. I'm sad we didn't take a photo but we were both not looking our best, to put it lightly. She always looks beautiful but I don't think either of us felt photo ready. We sat on the couch and talked and talked and talked and then had a sleep over and it was all lovely.

Thursday:
I was up early again to meet up for breakfast with Denise. More girl talk, and more hysterical laughter.

Next I rushed home to get my mom and we headed to Elise's to meet up with her and Hudson, and Rebecca, Ryan, Megan, and Jared for some pool time, cupcakes, and relaxing.

Hudson's tooties while he napped.

Friday:
A little leisurely shopping and Golden Spoon at the Spectrum with Jane followed by a much much needed nap at home.

Then I was off to Felicia's so we could head to our 10 year high school reunion together. The committee did a really great job planning and choosing a location. The golf club at Coto was really nice. It was great to see people I haven't seen in so many years. I felt like it was really hard to actually catch up with people though. I'd see someone and get through the initial surprise and "How are you??!" and then suddenly there was someone else. It was like stimulation overload.

Saturday:
Got up early to go for a ride with my dad. Brace and Karen came along, as well as Mark and Carley. We drove along Ortega Highway through the canyon and it was so pretty. We ate at a really yummy biker breakfast spot called Hell's Kitchen and had a ton of laughs. I didn't want the ride to end.

After we got home my sister and the kids were at the house and we all went to the beach. I've said it before but I really can't believe how much I prefer New York beaches. It is SO nice to just hop on the train and then you're at a nice clean beach where the water is warmer. I absolutely hate driving in traffic, waiting forever to find parking (I waited 20 minutes) and then schlepping down to a beach full of rocks, wood chips, and other debris, and an ocean full of rocks and seaweed. I know there's beaches that are a lot better than San Clemente but you still have to drive and find parking.

Rebecca left early to take Jared home and my parents, Ryan, Megan and I stayed until close to 6. It was so nice. We drove home and got pizza, put the kids to bed, and then I just packed, did some laundry, got one last Golden Spoon, and went to bed.

Sunday:

Got up so early, stopped for an asian donut and Diet Coke (breakfast of champs) and then my dad dropped me off at the airport. I was so happy to see I was able to get an exit row, and also happy I was flying out of Orange County since they sell the New York Post. I love my newspaper.

We took off with no delays, landed a half hour early, and I was in my apartment by 7pm! Such a nice change from the usual midnight landings when coming from the west coast. I was sooooo sleepy and luckily Courtnie came over and kept me company while I unpacked so I wouldn't fall asleep.

After I'd unpacked I found these eleven tootsie pops Lance had snuck into my bag. Sneaky sneaky!
It is good to be back in New York. We've had great weather this week, I've been busy, and now it's Friday and I'm exhausted. So happy to have a mellow weekend at home.

With beautiful Grandma on her 85th in NYC

A Story: Part I

Ever since I’ve lived in New York I’ve had a peculiar habit of always thinking back to what I was doing a year ago. I can remember my second summer thinking about how it felt like I should be dating Brandon. The only New York summer I knew was with him. My second New Year’s Eve I was super down because I was thinking about the year before; my first NYE in New York and my first NYE with a boyfriend. I couldn’t help but think about the hours Curtis and I had spent in Times Square and how perfect that night had felt.

This habit has gone on year after year. I think it’s something about the change in seasons. The change in temperature, scenery, and smells take me back to what was going on in my life the last time I experienced these things. There is obviously always a strong connection to whomever I was dating at the time, because other than apartments, everything else in my life was pretty much the same. Same job, mostly same friends, etc.

As my last vacation was approaching, along with August, this time last year weighed heavily on my mind. It was almost the exact same day I took off for a two week vacation, during which I’d spend time in California, Utah, and Idaho. I didn’t plan to take the same trip this year, and didn’t plan to leave almost exactly the same date (off by one day,) it just worked out that way. The only real difference is I was only gone for a week this year.

July 30, 2010 was such a happy day. It was a Friday. I left my office around 2pm so I’d have time to go home and finish packing, and then head to JFK to catch my flight. I remember leaving the office and calling my mom and saying, “I’m free!!!” There is nothing like leaving your office on a beautiful sunny summer day and knowing you don’t have a thing to think about for the next sixteen days. My only agenda was to visit friends and family, take part in Aimee and Jerry’s wedding, and spend a weekend in San Francisco with my girlfriends. I stopped by Banana on my way to Grand Central Station and found a few items on clearance.

I can distinctly remember walking through the terminal to the 4/5 and thinking, I feel so happy I could burst. Things were good. I’d spent the summer focusing on bettering myself. I’d been working out regularly and for the first time in years, wasn’t dating anyone, trying to date anyone, crushing on anyone, or letting anyone simmer. I was 100% single and can remember saying I’d never been happier single. I will be honest and say I have never been that girl who says, “I just want to enjoy being single right now. I don’t want a relationship.” To be honest I have a hard time believing any LDS girl who says that post-college. So, of course I would have liked to have been dating someone, but I felt like I had control over all the things that were in my control, and felt the happiest I’d ever been in that state.

I was flying American, connecting in Chicago. I spent the better part of the car ride and time in the airport on my phone making calls about the apartment I’d just found (in which I currently live.) I was returning calls with questions about my income, references, etc and I was racing against the clock to get the calls done before end of business day eastern time.

When I got to ORD I called my dad, as he was flying home from Boston, on United, which is random because he almost always flies American, but wasn’t, and I almost never fly American, but was. We were both connecting in Chicago, so it’s unfortunate we hadn’t been able to coordinate to fly together. We wanted to say hello at least while we were both in the same airport. We met up and chatted for a bit, and then I headed back to my gate where my flight was now boarding.

I was lucky to have a first class seat, so I boarded the plane and sat down and sort of just let out a huge sigh of relief. All my calls were made, I’d been able to connect with my dad, work was off my mind for two weeks, and now I could just relax. I got my things settled and then got up to use the ladies room while everyone else was still boarding. As I was headed back to my seat I didn’t notice the flight attendant behind me. I sat down and he was standing there, informing me I was going to have to go to my seat in the back of the plane. Thinking he must assume I was confused because the Yankees tank, yoga pants, Toms, and messy bun I was sporting didn’t exactly scream First Class, I assured him, “Oh, no, this is my ticketed seat.” He looked a little more stern and said, “Nooooo……you didn’t understand me. You need to go to the back of the plane, all the way to the back, and sit in a middle seat.” For whatever reason I have always had the immediate reaction to believe any sort of authority figure and immediately assume I’m guilty of something. I sort of stuttered something, and looked confused, and then he finally said something like, “They Yankees? Really?” I then relaxed and laughed, and said, “Oh, I take it you’re a Sox fan?” He scoffed. Then I remembered I was in Chicago. (I mean, anyone who roots for any other team hates the Yanks, but I figured this made the most sense.) He once again scoffed and said no. Confused (and not even thinking about my destination of Orange County) I finally asked, “Who’s your team??” He then told me the Angels and I said, “Oh, well you’ll hate me even more because I should be an Angels fan; I’m from Mission Viejo.”

This turned into the talk of where we’re from, where we went to high school, etc. It turned out he lived in Las Flores and graduated from Mission Viejo High School. I could tell he was a tad bit older than me, so I didn’t ask what year. He told me he’d played water polo there, as well as at Long Beach State, and asked if I’d played sports. I confidently said, “Well, I was a cheerleader, so, yes.” I got the expected reaction and we continued the trash talk until he needed to get back to work.

I didn’t think anything of it. I also didn’t think anything of it when I used the ladies’ room again mid flight (those bottomless drinks in first are lovely) and he stopped me to ask me about what I do in New York, what I do for fun, where I’ve traveled to, and just made general conversation. I also took no note when he stopped to make a comment every time he served me something to eat or refilled my drink. He later told me he’d had a Yankees executive on one of his flights who’d offered him tickets the next time he was in New York. I told him he was so lucky and he should definitely take him up on the offer. He then told me the next time he was out he planned on it, and I should go with him. I still wasn’t thinking anything other than, Wow, I’d love tickets to a Yankees game.

He asked me if I was busy while I was home (I’d explained to him that I was home for a week, then heading to Utah, then Idaho, then back home, then to San Francisco.) I said yes, but no, and explained that every time I came home I always planned every second away and didn’t relax, so I wasn’t making any plans and was just trying to take things as they came and was spending time with my family. It wasn’t until he said, “Well…..that’s not exactly the answer I was hoping for,” that I thought, Is this guy hitting on me? I laughed and told him sorry, but that I had promised my mom I would take it easy for the most part.

Before I got off the plane we exchanged phone numbers, you know, for the Yankees game, and I was on my way. I remember glancing back at him before I stepped off the plane and finally realizing, Wow, he is handsome. And tall. And dark. And seems pretty straight. (Keep in mind his profession.) That night we texted a bit and he was very friendly and sweet, and told me to let him know if I had any time for him while I was home.

I can’t remember what I did the next day but that night I went with my parents to a very crowded wedding reception for a guy in the ward I grew up in. He comes from one of those huge families that’s been around forever, and knows everyone, so of course the reception was a zoo and everyone from the tri-stake area and then some was there. I caught up with so many friends who are now married and living in the area, and all the grown-ups I’d gotten to know in my youth. I got the same questions and comments I always get when I’m at home, especially at weddings: Are you still living in New York? Wow! You are so lucky/brave/adventurous/crazy! Are you dating anyone? I can’t believe you’re not married! or even better Why aren’t you married yet?? There is such an awesome guy out there for you, I just know it! The men are intimidated! To be fair, I have not gotten the question or statement about being married in a really long time, and at this point I just laugh when I get it. But, for the record, that whole “the men are intimidated line” should really be banished for anyone over the age of, oh, I don’t know, 19? We single girls appreciate the gesture, but, let’s get real, there are plenty of absolutely beautiful, successful, talented girls who date all the time or are already married. Face it, it’s not that all the guys are intimidated, it’s just the situation. Some of us are simply just “still” single.

Anyway, for the most part, I really don’t care about those questions, but it never gets fully comfortable to go to weddings with your parents as your date, in your late 20s, congratulating what looks like a child bride (no offense…) and then just sorta hanging with Mom and Dad when things get awkward. (I have tried to make a point to leave before the bouquet toss, you would not believe how people insist I stand awkwardly amongst a group of beehives, fighting over a bouquet.) I appreciate and love my parents, especially when my mom shares my dad so I can have someone to dance with, but I still always leave weddings feeling a little down.

My parents and I had talked about going to see Inception after the reception, but as parents sometimes do on Saturday nights, they got tired, and didn’t feel like going. So there I am, twiddling my thumbs on a Saturday night, feeling like a loner after having been reminded how Single! I am. So, I did what anyone else would do and texted the guy who’d hit on me the day before. “Hey! I’m sure you’re probably out and about tonight?” Nope, he was just at home watching a movie, and asked if I was free. Perfect. He asked if I drank wine (we’d discussed the Mormon thing on the plane) and I said no but am happy to go somewhere and have something else to drink, and didn’t feel uncomfortable with others who drank. (A concept that really confuses me but people always ask if I mind if they order a glass….polite, but unnecessary.) He said no, we’d go somewhere else. I offered the idea of Golden Spoon. Ya know, keep it light. He asked if I wanted to meet at his house or at GS. I may be a little adventurous but I’m not stupid. I told him I’d meet him at GS in thirty minutes, gave my mom his full name and number, and off I went.

I got to the creepy darkish parking lot a little after 10 and reminded myself why I love living in a city that stays open past 10pm on a Saturday, and called him to let him know it was closed and asked if we could meet somewhere else. (I’d beat him there.) He said he’d be there in just a couple minutes and to just wait. Like a good paranoid girl, I stayed in my car, not even getting out when he pulled up. He came over to the car, and I told him the Golden Spoon in Foothill Ranch was open until 11. We ended up deciding to go to another yogurt place in the Kaleidescope, which was close by. He asked if I wanted to ride with him and I smiled and said no, that I would follow. He then said, “Oh yeah, this is our first date huh?” I smiled again and said, “A girl’s gotta watch out for herself.”

Off we went for what was one of the best first dates I’ve ever had in my life. It turned out he’s fourteen years my senior, which was surprising and I didn’t believe until he showed me his driver’s license. I would have guessed ten. This only attracted me more than I already was, as even though the biggest gap in age I’d ever had was only six years, I’ve always been attracted to and felt much more confident and comfortable around older men.

We chatted away until the shop closed, and then moved outside to listen to the live band and keep chatting. I felt so comfortable by the end, I was sort of hoping he’d kiss me goodnight. I don’t think I’ve ever had an official “I don’t really know you” sort of a first date that ended well enough to warrant a kiss. However, he was a perfect gentlemen and just gave me a hug and asked me to text him when I got home safely. He even called while I was on the drive to thank me for meeting him, and tell me how much he enjoyed the evening. I was seriously swooning.

The next day is when I got the first phone call that was like someone pulling the rug out from underneath me.

Vacation's over

Ryan, 7

Megan, 4 1/2

A week packed full of traveling from city to city (eight beds in as many nights) seeing friends, little sleep, and hanging with family. I'm exhausted but it was totally worth it. More soon.

SJP on NYC

The beautiful thing about New York is, you have to expose yourself to other people the minute you step outside the door. There is no choice. And I love that.
-Sarah Jessica Parker