Friday, October 26, 2012

To run or not to run?

Sometime back in early April I made a pros and cons list when I was trying to decide if I should commit to running the marathon.  I wanted so badly to do it, but I was so terrified of making the commitment.  It seemed so much bigger than me, and like something only disciplined people do (not one of my qualities.)  I wish I had dated this paper, but at the time I thought it was just a random list.  I didn't think about the fact that I'd carry it around in my wallet the next seven months:

Reasons to run the marathon:
-you've wanted to for 5+ years
-you'll never be healthier or have more free time, most likely
-you will never regret it, but will regret not running it
-you could raise money for a charity important to you
-you can
-something to add to the resume
-you have a deep desire
-it will give you a summer & fall goal
-it might be much more difficult to gain entry in the future
-you won't torture yourself for years thinking how you should do it, like you have been the last couple years
-you can
-you should wrote "you can" twice without noticing...your subconscious must believe it

Reasons not to run the marathon:
-if running for charity you'll have to raise money
-huge time commitment
-if the weather's bad it could be miserable
-potential for failure/embarrassment

This list shows a pretty clear answer.  I didn't fully decide after making it, but I was definitely leaning in the direction of yes.  It wasn't until the day of the lottery that I decided for sure.  I didn't get selected, so leaving it up to fate to make me run didn't work out.  I can't explain how tortured I was trying to make the decision.  I went for a run that night, I think it was a four miler.  I was training for my half at the time.  It was such a beautiful night, and it was a fantastic run.  I'd had a series of bad runs but this one just felt so good.  I thought a lot about Dina while I ran.  Her funeral had been two days earlier.  The last time I saw Dina I promised her if I ever worked up the nerve to run, I'd raise money for brain cancer research.  I felt like everything came together that night and it just felt right.  So on April 25th I decided I would dedicate the next six months and eight days to marathon prep, and I've never once regretted it.

1 comment:

maggie said...

Good luck! I hope you are doing ok after the storm, we got hit good here in Ohio, but nothing compared to you guys. Thinking of you!