I got nothin but mush on the brain.

The next month is going to be ridiculously busy, and who knows when I'll blog. The muffin top was at the top of my blog for far too long, and I guess I shouldn't leave the last post up top for too long either.

I feel like I've got so much to say and so much going on in my mind, so who knows if I'll get it all out. Here's my best attempt:

• I didn't think it was necessary to mention that the photo of the muffin top was not of me. Yes, I have one, but thankfully it's not quite so plump. :) But listen, if yours is, it's fine, just don't dress like that! Sheesh, cover up honey!
• Also, I noticed a few posts back I mentioned something like how sometimes I might be sad when I don't hate roommates. I did NOT mean to write hate! I meant HAVE. Someday I'll be sad when I don't HAVE roommates. Sorry if anyone thought I hated them!! :( I love my roommates! They're great!
• I'd always planned on not going to Duck this year. I just had no desire. It's hard to explain. Duck is a lot of fun, but I've gone the last two years and I just feel over it. And thennnnnnnnn, I got sucked in. I asked for a spot, and then got one, and then baled. And then I got sucked in again, asked again, and got a spot. And wanted to bale. But felt guilty. I'm glad I'm going. It'll be fun. The weather doesn't look like it'll be great which is lame. But I'm looking forward to experiencing Duck without the relationship drama I had the last two years. I'm looking forward to catch up with one of my favorites, Rachel M., who is my true Duck Beach love who I met my first year at Duck. I haven't seen her since December when we met up at the Berkshires which is far too long. I'm looking forward to venting, gossiping, and catching up, whether it be on the beach in the sun or on a cozy couch while it rains. And I know the guys are looking forward to a Rachel sandwich. :)
• I should probably also mention that when I wrote that "what you don't see" post I wasn't sad or down, and I hope it didn't come off that way (although I admit, while writing it I did get a little blue!) I'm in a really good place right now and life is never totally easy, but things are good!
• While I'm at it, I really want to say THANK YOU for all your comments. They were so sweet and uplifting and I really loved them. It seems like the posts that are the most real are the ones most people relate to (or at least feel the need to comment on) so I'm going to try to keep it real up on this blog.
• I'm sorry if my last post was cryptic and/or confusing. I suppose I should clarify, in case it needs to be said, that I am healthy, and I apologize if I confused anyone. One of my best friend's mom is battling the big C right now, and yesterday a dear friend was just given a diagnosis that was not what we were expecting. It's crazy how fast life can change. I mean like, unreal. Sorry for not going into more detail. If you're curious and want to know more about what's going on feel free to email me, I just don't want to put any more details on the www for just anyone to read.
• And I guess that's about it for now. My brain is mush. Seriously. You know when something tragic happens and you can't focus or think straight and make mistakes all day and forget things? Today was the first day I really experienced that. It is really weird. I'm typically a pretty organized person who can keep it together for the most part. My memory isn't what it used to be and I have to write things down more, but I mean, after getting the news last night and having a few hours to let it sink in I just can't get it together. I was a stammering fool all day, and switching my words non stop, like asking my coworker if heartburn is what you use for Tums. And having to repeat myself over and over. When trying to ask my boss something today I kept stumbling over my words and tearing up and stuttering and I finally just plainly said to my boss, "I don't know what I'm doing." Praise the Lord for that bossman. He is the best person to work for in the entire world. I'm serious. He gets it and he understands and is gracious and generous and the most kind man. Ever.

Anyway, I don't mean to end on such a downer but, like I said, I'm keeping it real up in here and this is me today. Oh yeah, here's something happy! My brother was in the city today and even though he and I were both incredibly busy and incredibly stressed we were able to work it out so we could meet up for a little grub and a lot of laughs. He always does that for me and it's seriously the best medicine. Nothing like laughing to the point of banging your hand on the table, clutching your gut, and annoying the patrons around you. Nothing. When we were standing in line for our food the thought hit me hard, "Wow, it is really great to see him."

Alright, I gotta go pack. Boo. I hate packing.